


Breathing

by elumish



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s08e17 Reckoning (2), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elumish/pseuds/elumish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t know what it was like to lose someone in some indeterminate place off-world, somewhere in the vastness of space, not even knowing where they were or who they were with or if they could ever be found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing

Daniel was gone. Again. And maybe this time for good.

Carter couldn’t remember how she had taken it last time; she tried as hard as she could not to think about that time in her life. Not that she didn’t like Jonas Quinn—he was actually a very nice person, though he had tried too hard to be another Daniel—but Daniel being gone was like there being a hole in her heart.

It wasn’t that she loved Daniel, not the way she loved…Pete, but he was the closest thing she had to a brother, more so even than Mark, given that Mark thought of her as a betrayal to their family, following in their father’s footsteps when he blamed their father for their mother’s death. He had been her friend for longer than basically any other person in the world, and now that Janet was gone, he was one of the few she had left.

And no matter how much General O’Neill wanted to pretend Daniel was going to somehow wander back into the SGC like a puppy who had run away from home and gotten lost, it wasn’t going to happen. She knew it, and so did he.

Pete dropped down on the couch next to her, his arm going around her shoulders, and she fought a flinch. People sneaking up on someone with eight years of combat experience was not always a great idea. Though she didn’t have her gun on her at the moment, which was probably for the best. Living alone, there was no one to shoot, and even though she wasn’t quite trigger-happy, shooting her boyfriend would be hard to explain to the cops.

“What’s wrong?”

Carter turned into his body, relishing in the contact because God knew she didn’t get enough of it otherwise. Military people tended not to be all that touchy, and it wasn’t like Teal’c was really into hugs. “My friend, uh…” She couldn’t say it. Not out loud. That would make it real, and God, maybe she was like the General, deluding herself into ignoring what had happened. She should be above sticking her fingers in her ears and singing, shouldn’t she? “Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”

He turned to face her entirely, shifting her body so she had to look at him. “No, really. What?”

The words caught in her throat for a second, and she closed her eyes so she didn’t have to see the curiosity in his eyes. The General would know not to be curious, or at least not to show it. Not that that mattered. It didn’t. She was marrying Pete. She was here with Pete. Jesus, she needed to get a grip. “My friend is probably dead.” 

There, she had said it, and the world hadn’t ended. Yet, but that was a whole other situation.

“I’m so sorry.” His arm tightened around her, and claustrophobia swamped her. But she couldn’t shove him away, couldn’t just stand up and walk. He was her fiancé, they were going to get married, and she couldn’t just leave every time something bad happened, or she would never see him.

“It’s, uh…it’s happened before.” With the same person, but she couldn’t say that. It wasn’t part of what he had been read into.

“Still. I’ve lost people before, as a cop. I know what it’s like.” Except he didn’t. He didn’t know what it was like to lose someone in some indeterminate place off-world, somewhere in the vastness of space, not even knowing where they were or who they were with or if they could ever be found. It was like a soldier being MIA, except finding someone on Earth was so much easier than finding someone in the entire galaxy. Cops saw partners get shot. Members of the SGC just…never saw them come back.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she fought the urge to pull herself in on herself, to start screaming, to get up and go shoot something. And she won.


End file.
